I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
