last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
