If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
