when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
