You're so nebulous sometimes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
