I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
