Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
