Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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