I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
