if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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