If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
