I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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