if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
