Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
