This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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