It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
