i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
