Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
