making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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