So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
