would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
