look no pants
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
