I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
