all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
