ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
