So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
