Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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