hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
