Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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