Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
