Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize