I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize