just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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