I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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