Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
