Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
