You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
