Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
