I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
