and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
