my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
