i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
