none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
