Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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