And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
