I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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