I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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