I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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