I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
