Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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