shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize