just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
