I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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