Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
