another moral hangover. fuck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
