I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
