I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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