Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
