I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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