During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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