I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
