mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
