I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are a genius and a whore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
