Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
