I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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