i was born a porn star she said
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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