So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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