She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
