Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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