Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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